Loaves and Fishes

 So a beautiful reflection that my professor has also been reiterating in class is that the Father loves us with the same love with which He loves the Son. God loves US as much as He loves Jesus! God is One, and God is Love, therefore, God's Love is One. He cannot love differently, only perfectly. By Baptism (and thus, adoption as Sons and Daughters of God in the Son, by the power of the Holy Spirit), we have become by grace what Christ is by nature. He loves us as He loves Christ.

Would that we would meditate on this profound reality daily!

Reading through the Gospels, one sees how loving the Father is toward Jesus - and toward us. Jesus' whole ministry is marked by this profound awareness on His part of the Love His Father has for Him. It begins at Jesus' Baptism in the Jordan River, when a voice from heaven says, "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" and continues from there.

It dawned on me then, how loving our God is. If God loves us that much, (and He does), should we not trust Him?

Thinking in these terms, it has made me re-read a lot of other passages in a new way: "What Father, when his son asks for a fish, would hand him a snake? Or when he asks for a loaf, would hand him a stone. If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so your heavenly Father..."


Let us pray boldly, asking God with confidence for the grace(s) we need in our lives, for Jesus tells us that we ought to pray to the Father in his name, asking for whatever we need, and that we need not be afraid because  "The Father himself loves" us. (John 16:26-27).

Love Poems

So I am taking a class called "Eucharist as Mystical Body" this summer. One of the themes that we are discussing in the class is how mystical theology (the writings of the mystics) ought to be considered a more serious source for doing theology. In the past, mysticism was seen as esoteric, sometimes even dangerous, and mainstream theology stuck to looking at Scholastic manuals as the only sources for doing theology.

Our professor gave us a sampling of some poetry by St. John of the Cross and discussed how it can deeply lead us to contemplate the mystery of the Eucharist. One such poem has been translated under the name "Although by Night."

How well I know the spring that brims and flows,

Although by night.

This eternal spring is hidden deep,

How well I know the course its waters keep,

Although by night.

Its source I do not know because it has none

and yet from this, I know, all sources come,

Although by night.

I know that no created thing could be so fair

and that both earth and heaven drink from there,

Although by night.

I know its depths possess no bed to fathom

and that none may ford across or sound them

Although by night.

Its radiance is never clouded and in this

I know that all light has its genesis,

Although by night.

I know its currents carry such abundance

They water hell and heaven and all nations,

Although by night.

The current welling from this fountain's source

I know to be as mighty in its force

Although by night.

And from these two preceeds another stream.

I know that neither over this one reigns supreme,

Although by night.

This eternal fountain is conceiled from sight

Within this living bread to give us life,

Although by night.

And here is calling out to all the creatures,

these waters quench their thirst, although by darkness,

because they lie in night.

I long for this, the living-fountain-head,

I see it here within the living bread,

Although by night.

  

Our professor went on to explain how this poem situates the Eucharist within the life of the Trinity. The Trinity is the source from whom all life and all blessings flow. God is the uncreated source of all that is - and the Son proceeds from the Father, and the Spirit from them both ("And from these two proceeds another stream...") The repetition of "Although by night" reminds us that these things we know in faith - not by sight. What he is trying to speak of here is a great and beautiful Mystery.

Anyway, so our professor mentioned that we all ought to go and read more poetry - that poetry has an ability to communicate deep truths in a way that prose cannot. It has dawned on me recently that I rarely read poetry or literature. Most of what I read is for school or for personal growth. It dawned on me that my humanity is being stifled by my limited exposure to great literature.

That being said, despite my self-imposed ban on browsing Amazon.com, the other day I went to Barnes and Noble and I bought this book called "Love Poems From God" by Daniel Ladinsky. In it, he "records" the spiritual poetry of [primarily] Christian and Muslim mystics - taking some grand [and I mean, GRAND]artistic liberties with them. That being said, the poetry that fills these pages are still beautiful and deeply inspiring. In many ways, so many of these poems hint at beautiful themes- that God loves us with an immeasurable love, the goodness of creation, and growth and expansion of the human heart, the call to love. Reading them, my heart feels like it grows wings!

Here's a selection of some of my favorites:

THE SKY GAVE ME ITS HEART
Rabia, 8th C. Woman Sufi Mystic

The sky gave me its heart
because it knew mine was not large enough to care
for the earth the way
it did.

Why is it we think of God so much?
Why is there so much talk
about love?

When an animal is wounded
no one has to tell it, "You need to heal"; so naturally it will nurse
itself the best it can.

My eye kept telling me, "Something is missing from
all I see." So it went in search of the cure.

The cure for me was His beauty, the remedy --
for me was to
love.


JEALOUS OF A POND
Rabia, 8th C. Woman Sufi Mystic

When God said, "My hands are yours," I saw that I could heal any
creature in this world;

I saw that the divine beauty in each heart
is the root of all time
and space.

I was once a sleeping ocean
and in a dream became
jealous of a
pond.

A penny can be eyed in the street
and a war can break out
over it amongst
the poor.

Until we know that God lives in us
and we can see Him
there,

a great poverty
we suffer.

IT ACTS LIKE LOVE
Rabia, 8th C. Woman Sufi Mystic

It acts like love -- music,
it reaches toward the face, touches it, and tries to let you know
His promise; that all will be okay.

It acts like love -- music, and
tells the feet, "You do not have to be so burdened."

My body is covered with wounds
this world made,

but I still longed to kiss Him, even when God said,

"Could you also kiss the hand that caused each scar,

for you will not find me until
you do."

It does that -- music -- helps us
to forgive.

ALWAYS FROM THE CHILD'S HAND
Francis of Assisi

Always from the child's hand the sword
should be removed.

I think every nation is
an infant.

IN ALL THINGS
Francis of Assisi

It was easy to love God in all that
was beautiful.

The lessons of deeper knowledge, though, instructed me
to embrace God in all
things.

THE WIND WILL SHOW ITS KINDNESS
Meister Eckhart

A man
born blind can easily
deny the magnificience of a vast landscape.

He can easily deny all the wonders that he cannot touch,
smell, taste, or hear.

But one day the wind will show its kindness
and remove the tiny patches that
cover your eyes,

and you will see God more clearly
than you have ever seen
yourself.

BUT HE WANTED ME
Meister Eckhart

I could not bear to touch God with my own hand
when He came within
my reach,

but He wanted me
to hold
Him.

How God solved my blessed agony,
who can understand?

he turned my
body into
His.

Budgeting for my upcoming "Real Life"

So I'm trying to "plan ahead" for once and decided to create a budget for the upcoming year. I have lofty goals of being able to save around $8,000 so that when I graduate, I'll have some money to potentially

a) buy a new car
b) rent and furnish an apartment
c) pay for a wedding

just in case one or a number of those things are in my near future.

That being said, I did some number crunching and thinking about my own expenses and spending habits and came up with a budget that leaves me only around $6,000, which means that I'm already -$2,000 from my goal. Ooof.

That being said, I'm having to realize that my days of carefree spending are pretty much over. I need to seriously break some not so good (not terrible, but definitely not helpful) spending habits and start really being conscientious about saving and living within my means. Thankfully, I don't have any debt other than school loans, and thankfully, due to the generosity of my parents, even that is not too bad, but this does not excuse me from having to learn to exercise a little self-restraint and foresight to prepare for my future. 


Notes to self:
* Stop being lazy and buying STARBUCKS and make your own coffee! (this could easily save $15-20 per week). With that in mind, use your "flex points" (oh how I love AR job perks!) for buying more important things than pumpkin spice lattes.
* Stop buying books. Get them from the library instead. Rachel, you are hereby banned from "just browsing" Amazon.com.
* Learn to be thrift-ier.
* Consider cheaper ways of traveling for school breaks (i.e. driving / carpooling?). Roadtrip anyone?
* I have to give up buying people stuff. This is probably going to be the hardest. I love buying gifts for people!
* No more traveling. This will also be difficult. I've been back from Israel for over a month, and just got back from a trip to Winnipeg, Canada, and I have been seriously thinking about going to Madrid for WYD 2011, or even walking the Cammino to Santiago de Compostela.... Not to mention Lourdes, Fatima, Ireland, California, Mexico City, and a few other places that I'm just itching to go see!

 Any other saving tips? Please help!
 

Recent Reflections

Just thought I'd share some recent things I've been reflecting on, and which I feel God has been speaking to my heart to teach me how to love more fully.

Colossians 3:12-17
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against one another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

"Peace requires much understanding and good will. For even when we like another person there is always something that one or another finds displeasing. That is when godly patience, the font of all blessedness, is necessary!’ ~ Bl. John XXIII

"We all have our failings, if not in one area than in another. We should be accommodating to all. To all – for in God’s sight they may be more deserving than we." ~ Bl. John XXIII

And the Pendulum Keeps on Swinging...

I’m sorry that I have not blogged in a great long while. This summer has been an action-packed thriller, and it’s about to get busier.  Right now I’m back at Notre Dame and am about half way through a course titled: “Eucharist as Mystical Body.” So far, it has been pretty good.

My professor told us that one of his undergraduate students once said to him that “I think I’ve met Christians who would stab you to death with a crucifix and then would get down on their knees and thank God for the privilege of doing so.”

The statement struck me. Something that I’ve been reflecting on and thinking about lately is how each and every single human person is a little off balance. We all “miss the mark” from time to time. Actually, in my mind, I think it’s more often than not.

Lately I’ve had several opportunities to re-connect with old friends and talk to people who knew  me back in the days before I came to Notre Dame. While it has been a wonderful experience, it has also shown me how very different I have become. Theological education changes a person, and it should. It is about personal and intellectual conversion. I think my graduate theological education has brought about both in my life.

This makes it difficult in some ways to interact with individuals who knew me before. I struggle with whether I ought to just simply relate to individuals as I always have – to connect with them as I have in the past, or whether I ought to tell them I’ve changed.

On some occasions, I’ve done both. But when I just act in the same manner, I feel that I am not being true to myself, that I am not being honest that the person I have become is not the same as I was – just as the person that I will become tomorrow be the same person that I am today.  But then when I try to share the person I have become, I find people startled, even sometimes dismayed that I have changed my views on a number of issues.

What I’ve come to realize through much of my theological education is that my views on certain things were at times a bit off balance. Being exposed to new ways of doing theology and having to struggle with new ways of thinking about theological questions has I think in turn made me more balanced.

What is interesting, however, is that sometimes those who knew me before now think that I’m the one who is off-balance now. And the experience of being-in-relationship with those who fall more in the category of the way I used to think – and having them question my position – is an interesting one.  Sometimes I try to share with them what I’ve learned, and try to help them see that while I understand where they are coming from (because after all, I once shared a similar view), that it’s possible to see things from a different perspective.  Other times, I just marvel at how very different I’ve become – and wonder if the shock they must feel in realizing that is similar to my own surprise at myself.  At times, others take a judgmental stance- and try to caution me against buying into what some regard as ‘bad theology’ – and while I might feel an unease about the fact that I might identify more readily with this new theology than I used to – I also cannot shake the fact that at the same time I also feel that this new perspective opens up much wider, much freer, much more loving horizons.

I find myself in a position of experimenting, of trying new things and watching and waiting to see what the long term fruit will be. And even while I feel radically outside my comfort zone, being in new theological territory, I find myself consoled by the fact that God is with me in the process and I trust that He will not allow me to go too far astray. Perhaps I formerly was too far to one side; now, I find myself swinging to the polar-opposite extreme. In a sense, this is how we all are, always a little off being centered on Christ. The saints are the ones who, in mastering the life of virtue, are able to keep a life of balance amidst a world of competing extremes. All this being said, I'm not there yet, but I trust that in the end, with God's grace, I'll balance out and end up right where God wants me to be.