Election 2012

I've begun looking at the polls to see which candidates are rising to the top for the 2012 Presidential Election. Tonight I spent a little while scouring potential candidates' campaign sites and reading up on their stances on issues that are important to me. I find myself looking at both the traditional issues that hold sway for Catholic voters - abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research and gay marriage, as well as those which traditionally are considered more progressive, but which feature prominently in Catholic Social Doctrine - immigration, economic justice, healthcare, education, poverty, peace.

As I go through this process of discerning the best candidate, I find myself agreeing with some candidates on some things, and disagreeing with them vehemently on others. This derives from the fact that I have conservative leanings on some issues, progressive leanings on others.

On the one hand, the pro-life issues are very important; but so is our foreign policy. Being involved in an unjustifiable armed conflict in which civilians are killed during raids is a concern for me, even if it is not as large in scope as say, the number of abortions performed in the US each year. I am also concerned about welcoming the immigrant  and providing for those who do not have the resources necessary for a dignified human existence. Also, as we hear about the "Occupy Wall Street" and other similar movements, it's becoming more and more apparent that we need to re-examine the economic structures of our nation and see whether they are truly just.

While trying to weed through all this information, I find several questions rising to the forefront of my mind:

* If Catholic Social Doctrine supports the idea of subsidiarity (that social issues should be addressed on as local a level as possible and that a larger governing body should only step in when absolutely necessary to achieve the desired end) - is it right to support a candidate who wants the federal government to produce the programs necessary to address social issues?

* Would supporting such a candidate only lead to individual persons shirking their personal responsibility to care for the poor in their local community?

* In this case, is it that in America we want the government to do what we ourselves should be doing?

* Is taxing individuals at a higher rate to meet the financial responsibilities of federal government programs which provide social services harmful to the economic situation of our nation?

* Do the wealthy have a greater responsibility to shoulder a greater percentage of the  burden? (Here I would say yes... I can think of passages in the social documents of the Church which talk about that those who have more have a greater responsibility to contribute to the support of those in poverty / who are marginalized / etc.)  But is the answer having them contribute more in taxes to fund the social programs of the Federal Government?

* Is the "Occupy Wall Street" movement turning into a class war? (The 99% vs. the 1%...).

* Do we place too much emphasis on government fixing problems - rather than rolling up our sleeves and getting our  hands dirty, taking personal responsibility for solving our own problems and working for the common good?

* and other questions...

101 Things in 1001 Days Update

As of October 8th, 2011, Here's what I've accomplished so far:

2. Finish reading all the Harry Potter books

32. Read the Desert Fathers & Mothers of the Church (selections)

33. Read the Fathers of the Church (selections).

37. Go through all my belongings and donate 35 items.- ONLY 10 MORE TO GO!

42. Read or watch the news daily for a month. I LISTEN TO NPR NEWS ON MY DAILY COMMUTE...

50. Clean my bathroom at least once every two weeks (don't judge!)

67. Bring Communion to the homebound.

72. Write a Parent Newsletter for the CCD program each month. October, check! November- almost done!

77. Get my bike fixed.

80. Switch my driver's license to Illinois.

81. Register to vote in Illinois.

95. Write to my nun friends.

96. Discern what to do about current ‘relationship’ – move forward or move on; and do it.

Not too bad, considering I have until May of 2014 to finish up!  :)

My Favorite Vegetable...

Chocolate. It comes from a bean, and therefore, in my book, counts as a vegetable.

So I bought some really dark chocolate the other day. I was excited to take it home and enjoy it! I pulled back the wrapper from this super fancy, super dark goodness, and using the sharpest kitchen knife I have, sliced myself a corner off the block, and hoisted the rich, smooth, creamy chunk toward my already salivating mouth.....

BLAH!

Apparently, I don't read labels. This WAS Chocolate, and really GOOD chocolate - but it was 100% UNSWEETENED Cocao. Now, I enjoy 70% dark chocolate - but I usually take mine with at least a little bit of sugar to take the edge off of the natural bitterness.

So now I had a hunk of chocolate that for all intents and purposes, was to me entirely inedible! What a waste!

Until I looked online and found this recipe.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Hot-Chocolate

All I'm going to say is that you HAVE to try this! This is the REAL DEAL.

5 A Day The Easy (or Easier) Way!

So I've known since I was little that you're supposed to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Growing up in a rural area, and in a family that owned a family farm for some time, I'm used to having a plethora of fresh produce all summer long, making it easier to eat the recommended amount.

Granted, although there were so many options available to me, I always preferred fruit. I'll blame it on genetics, since it seems everyone in my family has a sweet tooth.

That being said, as an adult, whenever I go to the grocery store, you can bet that I spend at least $25-$35 a week on fruit alone. Comparably, I probably only spend about $10 on vegetables.

I recently learned that the "5 a day" slogan doesn't mean that if you eat five servings of fruit ONLY, that you're covered for the day. In actuality, you're supposed to eat 3-4 servings of vegetables, and only 1-2 of fruit. My vegetable to fruit ratio is often more like 1:5 rather than the recommended 4:1.

Needless to say, I've been experimenting with different strategies to up my vegetable intake. Here are some creative strategies I've found recently:

* Add Vegetables to Breakfast. Put onions, spinach, mushrooms, peppers, etc. in your eggs for a sweet omelet or gourmet scrambled eggs!

* Put Carrots, Walnuts, and raisins in your pancakes for a sweet breakfast treat - and gain 1 serving of veggies toward your daily total!

* Vegetable juice. My grandfather LOVED tomato juice, and I remember convincing my grandmother that I liked it too - even as a 3 year old.  This is  a simple way to get one more serving.

* Buy Mini carrots or celery and cut the celery into snack sized sticks. Pack a mix of two in your lunch every day.

* Have a salad with lunch or dinner. It's just another way to get in a serving of veggies!

Any other ideas?

New Love

I have found a new musical love: Marta Gomez.

I think if you listen to the following two clips, you will fall in love too!

CONTIGO (WITH YOU)

To Franco

Music and Lyrics by Marta Gómez (2008)

Rhythm: Ballad 

It is of wind that my song is made

of blood that my pain is stained 

of green that I lose myself in your gaze

of water, of water that I navigate on your words

It is of days and nights, my dreaming

of suns and stars, my singing

of skies that I invent for you

of water, of water that innundates my reason with you

It is of earth that my heart is made

that insists on nesting in your life

searching not to forget its own voice

of air, of air that entangles every instant

with you, with you

ASÍ TE ESPERO YO (THAT’S HOW I WAIT FOR YOU)

Music and Lyrics by Marta Gómez (2005)

Rhythm: Festejo (Perú) 

The kernel surrenders itself to the corn

like the rain to the harvest

like my heart to you.

Like when it rains and then clears

like when the harvest fly sings

like the cricket that comes out to celebrate the rain

like the snail that waits until the rain’s over

that’s how I wait for you.

Like when the wind blows softly

like when whispering, it sings

that’s how my voice learned to whisper to you

like the tree that waits for the wind to sing to him

that’s how I wait for you

That’s how my thoughts await your words

that’s how I await your gaze

when you are near me

Like when it rains and then clears

and the whispering rain sings

and the sound of the wind invents a thousand songs

that I learn and teach to my throat

that’s how I sing to you

that’s how I sing to you

Going All-Natural

I recently purchased a book called "The Self Health Revolution" by J. Michael Zenn at my local Whole Foods store. What a great book!

This book summarizes what's wrong with our food and why so many Americans today are overweight, suffering from diabetes and heart problems.

I highly recommend that everyone check this book out. It's short, easy to read (the author uses a lot of humor!) and is packed with information about how to live a healthy life.

I've made a few changes to my lifestyle after reading this book - and one of them has resulted in rapid results. For the past year and a half, I have been struggling with terrible skin problems. I've had worse acne as a young adult than I ever did as a teenager!

In my search for clear skin, I've done everything short of seeing a dermatologist (which I've put off because I am convinced would only result in the Doctor prescribing either Acutane (a very bad drug which has terrible side effects) or the Pill (which I object to on moral grounds)). I've tried every over-the-counter product out there; I've purchased all the 'kits' - ones on TV, ones at the drugstore, etc.

Nothing worked. Most of the products left my skin red, burning, or flaky (they made my skin so dry it peeled!)

I even tried the oil cleansing method. My skin DID get a little better with this method (and thankfully, there was no peeling!) but it ultimately did not alleviate the problem.

So after I purchased this book, I was shocked when I started reading about what kinds of ingredients are in our personal care products, including skincare.

Given that our skin is very porous, everything we put on it is absorbed into our system. (Think: That's why the medical profession uses patches to dispense medication into our system...). What I discovered from reading this book is that some common ingredients in our skin care and personal care items (shampoo, conditioner, etc) are toxic, including:

Propylene Glycol
Butylene Glycol
Polyethlyne Glycol
Ethylene Glycol -

Here's the kicker: two of the three ingredients in ANTIFREEZE are GLYCOL-BASED.

So using products with these ingredients are somewhat akin to putting ANTI-FREEZE on your skin - which remember, is a highly porous surface which absorbs anything you put on it, delivering these chemicals into your system.

Even worse, the "glycol family' are not the only harmful ingredients which show up in these types of products. Additional toxic ingredients include:

* Mineral oil, Paraffin and Petrolatum (Petroleum products)
* Parabens (have been linked to cancer and have hormone disrupting qualities).
* Phenol carbolic acid (can cause circulatory collapse, paralysis, convulsions, coma and even death).
* Acrylamide (linked to tumors in lab research)
* Sodium laurel or lauryl sulfate - (found in car washes, engine degreasers, garage floor cleaners...and in over 90% of personal care products)

And the list goes on.

Needless to say, I was appalled when I read this. I immediately went out and bought some organic alternatives to the face washes, shampoos, and lotions that I had been using.

While looking at some alternative products, I came across a kit called "Organics to Clear Skin" by Juice Beauty. I was interested. As I mentioned before, I have struggled for the past year and a half with skin problems.

Although the kit was a bit pricey (although still around average for what you would pay for a comparable acne treatment kit in a drugstore), I decided to purchase it.

I've only been using it for a week - but the results have been AMAZING! After three days, my skin was already noticeably healthier, softer, and clearer. A week into the treatment, my skin looks even better! Old scars and pimples are healing. No new pimples have developed (*crosses fingers and hopes this trend continues*)

The cleansing gel is made out of fruit and is light and fresh. It doesn't have a perfumey smell- but the smell isn't bad either. It's natural, I guess. The blemish clearing serum smells great, and the moisturizing lotion - even better. Again, all natural smelling.

After using these products, I have NO itchiness, no redness, no peeling, etc. which I had with practically every other product I had tried. My skin looks great! I'm excited to continue and see what happens over time.

All of this has made me think about what I put in my body on a daily basis. Now, I want to make sure that I am eating foods as close to their natural state as possible, and without adding anything harmful. I want to be healthy from the inside out.

Call me a food-snob or a health-nut, but I think I'm going to be buying organic from now on.

Endings and New Beginnings

These past few weeks have been a time of great transition in my life. Graduating from Notre Dame. Moving to Chicago to start a new job. But the hardest of these transitions has been discerning whether to leave or stay in what I thought was a long-term relationship.

A friend - with whom I recently had the joy of reconnecting with -- put this on facebook just a few days before we met up, and at a time when I was particularly struggling with the decision:

"Porta itineris dicitur longissima esse" - 

the door is the longest part of the journey.

In my discernment, I have tried praying novenas to get an answer; nothing has surfaced - yet. While I am willing to forgive and work at the relationship, I also realize that I have to be true to myself. These past few weeks apart have not been as sad as I thought they would be. Instead, I've had time to reconnect with myself and with my deepest passions, passions which I thought I shared with this person, but which I have come to realize were never there in the way that I had hoped. With this realization, I've felt free to explore the expansive city around me, even if at times doing so reminds me of my loneliness.

Although things did not turn out the way I expected, I find myself reflective and grateful more than anything. Grateful for what I learned about life, about love, about myself. Grateful for the love that I received and the ways that this made me grow. I only have a few small regrets, which I realize have been the seeds of new insight and new wisdom, and I suppose if I had the chance to go back and do it all over again, I might have changed very little.

And so I believe that starting today - I am walking across the threshhold of that door and into a whole new realm of possibility. I know that the journey ahead will be filled with little moments of sadness, but also filled with hope.

101 Things in 1001 Days

I was inspired by my friend's blog to do the following exercise - come up with a list of 1001 things I hope to accomplish in 1001 days. 

By Saturday, May 3, 2014, I hope to have accomplished the following 1001 things:

(in no particular order):

1. Run a 5k

2. Finish reading all the Harry Potter books

3. See all the Harry Potter Movies

4. Walk the Camino de Santiago

5.       Go on a Pilgrimage to Lourdes

6.  Go on a Pilgrimage to Fatima

7.  Go on a Pilgrimage to Montreal to see St. Andre Bessette and Saint Joseph’s Oratory.

8. Get Certified as a Pastoral Associate in the Archdiocese of Chicago

9. Get a Black Belt in Tang Soo Do

10. Purchase a new car.

11 Build up my savings to $5,000.

12. Make pysanky for all my relatives for Christmas

13. Travel to the Northwest USA

14. Volunteer for an Animal Welfare organization

15. Become a Big Sister through the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program

16. Sponsor a child through World Vision or Food for the Poor

17. Get involved with Communion & Liberation

18. Smoke Hookah

19. Write a book on (Divine) Love.

20 Become carbon neutral

21. Take a yoga class.

22. Help a friend of mine go on a date.

23. Start working on a degree in counseling.

24. Become fluent in a foreign language (either Italian, German or Arabic - since I've already worked on them!)

25. Study French.

26. Get a Massage.

27. Get a secret published on PostSecret.

28. Study non-violence.

29. Read through the entire Bible.

30. Re-read the Confessions of Augustine.

31. Re-read the Odyssey.

32. Read the Desert Fathers & Mothers of the Church (selections)

33. Read the Fathers of the Church (selections)

34. Get a Spiritual Director.

35. Learn to make a great curry.

36. Learn to knit something other than scarves.

37. Go through all my belongings and donate 35 items.

38. Donate blood 5x.

39. Send Christmas cards to all my friends.

40. host a fancy dinner party for other catholic single young adults.

41. Try Ethiopian food.

42. Read or watch the news daily for a month.

43. Get a Netflix subscription.

44. Get a Wii- and get the Just Dance game!

45. Go on a silent retreat.

46. Exercise 2x a week - every week.

47. Attend an adult Summer Conference at Franciscan University.

48. Go to a Taize gathering.

49. Write my autobiography.

50. Clean my bathroom at least once every two weeks (don't judge!)

51. Practice meditation.

52. Study spanish.

53. Visit Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine in Mexico City.

54. Get a pet (cat or dog!)

55. Have my immediate family visit me in Chicago.

56. Get engaged.

57. Go skiing.

58. Earn enough frequent flyer miles to get a free flight.

59. Get something cool from my credit card rewards program.

60. Master the art of Extreme Couponing.

61. Go out 2x a week - be more social!

62. Get married.

63. Get a pedicure.

64. Read the Brothers Karamazov

65. Remain 120 lbs.

66. Dye my hair.

67. Bring Communion to the homebound.

68. Befriend a homeless person.

69. Pay off my graduate school loan ($8500).

70. Make a new best friend. 

71. Commission Anne Marie to write me an Icon of the Holy Family

72. Write a Parent Newsletter for the CCD program each month.

73. Welcome 10 people into the Church through RCIA.

74. Read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

75. Read 3 books by Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger).

76. Go see a dermatologist.

77. Get my bike fixed.

78. Bike ride to work whenever the weather is nice.

79. Register "my" car under my name.

80. Switch my driver's license to Illinois.

81. Register to vote in Illinois.

82. Vote in every election.

83. Become more politically active / involved in my community.

84. Meet Cardinal George.

85. Write a book on the culture war / polarization in the Church.

86. Reduce my grocery bill to 65$ a week.

87. Plant a tree.

88. Give everyone I buy gifts for for Christmas - something from the Heifer project or Ten Thousand Villages.

89. Wake up early to watch the sunrise.

90. Learn how our government system actually works (I never took civics!)

91. Go to a concert.

92. Go to a Sox vs. Cubs game.

93. Sell 15 of my old books on Amazon.com

94. Travel to visit my college friends.

95. Write to my nun friends.

96. Discern what to do about current ‘relationship’ – move forward or move on; and do it.

97. Join the adult kickball league here in Chicago (WAKA).

98. Take a cooking class.

99. Bake a Key Lime Pie from scratch.

100. Run the Holy Half Marathon at Notre Dame.

101. Be intentional about having a real Sabbath day each week.

AWESOME ARTICLE

A friend posted this link to her facebook wall and I thought I'd share this great article. It manifests many of the same sentiments I've stumbled upon over the past several years.

http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.html

Small Steps Together: Gentleness in the Real World

As I've watched college students graduate recently, I've noticed a distressing trend. Campus ministries are becoming better, teaching orthodoxy without hesitation. Genuinely Catholic colleges are brimming over with zealous young people.

And yet.

There is a harshness, a sort of snobbery happening. I watch in not a little horror and listen to what they are saying, as they measure other people by their overt acts of piety, while they size people up and discard them like the stuff of  yesterday's recycling bin because they don't fit the new collegiate image of perfect holiness.

And I can just imagine that several years hence, they will go together with their young children to a playdate. They will meet another young mom at the park. They will inquire as to how many children she has. And when they discover that she has two, four years apart, they will say something sanctimonious about how they are open to God's plan for having children and has she ever heard of NFP? She will sit and wonder briefly whether she should tell them about the two years of cancer between the first birth and the second, about how desperately she prayed for this second child, about what a miracle he is. That young mom, with the two children widely spaced, will have just learned how some people of faith can judge one another. Litmus tests. Checklists. As she raises a family in the real world, she will see that attitude given voice over and over and over again, while Jesus weeps for his Church, broken and divided.

What's the opposite of gentleness? Harshness. Hard lines.  Brittle rules. 

So there you are, you all grown up and graduated and out in the real world! You've come so far. You've left behind the safety of campus life, the happy campus ministry, the structure of academia. You've gone and gotten yourself a real job in the real world. With a real cubicle and a good excuse to shop at that very fine career wear store. Good for you!

You have a zeal for the faith that can be spotted a mile away. You wear it proudly splashed across your chest on more than a dozen t-shirts collected over the years of vibrant Catholic education. And you've come to embrace all those devotions of our faith as you've learned of them in your coming-of-age. You are on fire for your faith and you are eager to go out there into the real world and tell everyone just how Catholic you are. 

May I whisper a word or two to you? 

Gentleness. Humility.

Out there, in the real world, be mindful of gentleness. Don't beat people over the head with your religion. Really. You don't win souls for Christ that way. Actually, come to think of it, you don't win souls for Christ at all. The Holy Spirit does. You just listen--quietly--for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. You just pray--fervently--that you can be His instrument. And please don't think for one moment that you are better than the guy who goes to lunch at lunchtime instead of going to Mass. You're not. You are broken and messy and in need of a savior just like he is. You have been given the extraordinary gift of grace and the blessing of faith. Given it. God gave it to you.

You didn't earn it. You don't deserve it.

Humility. You know God in the Eucharist. You are blessed. He blesses you. Now, go bless someone else.

You are going to meet so many new people in the next few years. No matter how high-powered your job, no matter how life and death your decisions, you are still and always a woman of God. You are called to be as gentle as the Blessed Mother. Here's a hint towards beginning relationships and continuing relationships with gentleness: Be the girl who walks into a room--any room, every room-- and says, "There you are! How are you?" Don't be the girl who bursts onto the scene and shouts, "Here I am! Be like me!" It's not about you. It's never about you. You are a servant of God. Serve. 

I know how dearly you hope to find a Godly man who will sweep you off your feet and be the husband to the wife and the mother you feel called to be. I know you want him to be as committed to the faith as you think you are. Don't judge every person you meet with a checklist in hand. Whether it's the girl you keep bumping into in the cafeteria, or the guy who seems to ride the same bus route on your commute, don't issue litmus tests. And for goodness sake, don't do this:

Every guy I know gets slack-jawed when they watch this video ( which made the rounds last year and caused more than one married Catholic mom I know to laugh and cry and shake her head in disbelief). At first we thought it was a joke. Then, we started reading comboxes. Not a joke, at least not for some people. Who could possibly live up to this? A second-hand relic? Honey, if you think you are marrying a saint, you are in for a rude awakening. Marriage is our path to sanctification. We don't marry into sainthood; we journey towards it together. 

Here's the thing: you're going to miss a lot of good people if you make up checklists like that. And you might just miss God's plan for you, both in terms of men and real, good girlfriends. Some of the best husbands and fathers I know couldn't have checked off more than one or two things on that video when they were fresh out of college. They grew into good, holy men, often because of girls who loved them, believed in them, and shared the grace of Jesus with them. And I know people who can check off everything on the video list and, sadly, they aren't very good husbands and fathers. While lots of people can follow the rules and lots of people can do numerous acts of piety and devotion, they aren't necessarily people after God's own heart. Following the rules does not automatically equal holiness.

And isn't it interesting how in that whole long list, not one act of mercy is mentioned? You want a good husband and father? Find a merciful one. Here's a far better checklist:

• To feed the hungry;
• To give drink to the thirsty;
• To clothe the naked;
• To harbour the harbourless;
• To visit the sick;
• To ransom the captive;
• To bury the dead.

• To instruct the ignorant;
• To counsel the doubtful;
• To admonish sinners;
• To bear wrongs patiently;
• To forgive offences willingly;
• To comfort the afflicted;

In the real world, those acts of mercy can take many, many forms. Perhaps you'll find him ladling soup in a homeless shelter. That would be an easy one to spot. Or maybe he's the young medical student who circles back after a long day of work to read stories to the pediatric patients. Maybe he's the guy who listens patiently as his grandfather goes on and on about a distant memory not quite still within his reach. Or maybe he's the one who's working fulltime and getting his degree because he dreams of a large family and wants the means with which to support them. Is he the guy next door? The one who "only" goes to Sunday Mass, but who also cheerfully picks up two young soccer players and drives them to practice three times a week because their mom is bedridden? And all the while, in the car, he is their friend. Their real friend. A strong shoulder to lean on in a time of crisis at home. Just a real good guy. Look for a real good guy. Someone who will journey with you.

Don't dismiss someone just because they aren't as outwardly pious as you are. Don't dismiss people at all. There's a big world of people out there. And some of those people are people from whom God intends you to learn. Even if, at first glance, it looks as if they aren't nearly as holy or smart or good as you are. Even if they aren't as holy or smart or pious as you are.  They, too, were created in His image and each person--each and every one--is valuable. And worth your time. Don't discount someone because they aren't as up on theology as you are or because they don't "have religion."  

Remember "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." (1 Corinthinians 8:1) 

And, to make it all trickier,  zealous people have to guard carefully against Pharasaical sins and scrupulosity.

Whether we are growing closer to God or growing closer to people, it's not about checklists. It's about relationships.

Relationships beg coming alongside, walking together.

School is finished. Now begins the real work of cultivating a teachable spirit.

It's about listening.

It's about serving.

It's about nurturing. 

It's about loving.

It's about a gentle spirit.

All the time.

It won't be easy. The gentleness thing. Pray for the grace to be gentle. We're all human, remember? As you go about your day in your busy real life world, you will brush up against broken, hurting, sinful real life human beings. They are just like you. And when you know that you are broken, too, saved by grace and gifted with faith, you will be genuinely gentle. You will look to people and assume that there is something to be learned from them, something good in them. You won't assume that because you are more pious, more obviously active in your faith, that you are closer to God. Instead, you will see Jesus in the poor, in the ordinary, even in the partier in the apartment next door.

 "This was the method that Jesus used with the apostles. He put up with their ignorance and roughness and even their infidelity. He treated sinners with a kindness and affection that caused some to be shocked, others to be scandalized and still others to hope for God’s mercy. And so He bade us to be gentle and humble of heart." -- St John Bosco

And in the end, He won their souls.

Go gently into that real world. Grow gently into a woman of genuine faith.

And God go with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Foreign Film Friday

Here's a great foreign film for you this Friday:

Title: Captain Abu Raed

Country of Origin: Jordan

Language: Arabic

Subtitles: English

Watch the first installment on youtube and click the subsequent links to continue viewing.

My 1st Apartment

Now that I officially have a job (Pastoral Associate at St. Andrew Parish! http://www.saintandrewchicago.com/), I went to check out one final apartment in Chicago yesterday. The apartment I decided upon is small, but located in a nice building in a good part of town, with this super cute Ukrainian (?) couple as housekeepers, my landlord(s) are Notre Dame Alumni, and best yet, this apartment is conveniently located 2.2 miles from work. :) (Yay for short commutes!)

That being said, I'm now hunting for apartment furniture. I went Thrift store shopping today for the first time in my life and HAD A BLAST! Who knew that this could be so fun!???? Today was Senior Discount Day at all the local thrift stores - and so I had fun chatting with old people all morning and one of them was even kind enough to help me check out so I'd get the benefit of their 50% discount!

Today was definitely a success - I scored myself two matching, very sturdy, very nice wooden chairs which I intend to reupholster and use in my living room - for $8.25 TOTAL! Once I commandeer my friend's truck and can get them home and fix them up, I'll post a picture, inshallah!

Becoming Who You Are...

So I’m happy to report that I am indeed not homeless; for the time being, I'm renting a room from another MDiv who's away doing a pastoral internship for two months. I've been enjoying 'squatting' in his room so to speak, and enjoying perusing the titles of the spiritual reading books he's got on his shelf. 

Among his books were several on Thomas Merton, someone who I've heard a lot about but of whom I have very little firsthand knowledge. One of the books I've recently picked up reading is titled "Becoming Who You Are: Insights on the True Self from Thomas Merton and Other Saints" by James Martin, S.J. 

The book begins with the following words from Merton: "For me to be a saint means to be myself... Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and discovering my true self." p. ix

Something that I've loved about being done with school and as of yet unemployed has been having ample time for spiritual reading and meditation. As I begin to work out the next steps of my life, I find myself drawn to reflect on who I am - or rather - who God has created me to be, in order to help guide this process and ensure that I choose the path before me which is most aligned with God's plan for my life. 

The book suggests that there is a true self and a false self- and that our task in life is to shed the masks of our false life and to strive to become who God intends us to be. This does not always involve a radical reorientation of our lives the way some experience it, although at times we may find ourselves in need of a more intense conversion. More often than not, becoming more fully who God has created us to be involves putting aside our own egos so that we can learn how to love more fully. The Christian life is a journey of having our hearts blown wide open by the love of God and expanded beyond the narrow limits we oftentimes  (even if only unconsciously) cling to because it’s comfortable. In dying to self we are transformed into the image of God’s Son in a uniquely beautiful way. On this subject, Pope Benedict XVI writes:

“The challenge of the cross demands that I give my ego into Jesus' hands, not so that he may destroy it but so that in him it may become free and expand...Thus a great deal of patience and humility belongs to this way, just as the Lord has patience with us: it is not a headlong leap into heroism that makes someone a saint but patiently and humbly walking with Jesus, step by step. Holiness does not consist in adventurous achievements of virtue, but in joining him in loving. Hence the real saints are also quite human, quite natural people in whom through Easter transformation and purification what is human appears afresh in its total originality and beauty.”

Reflecting on all of this, I have begun to ask myself – what does holiness look like for me? Or, put another way, what type of person does God want me to become? While I have had many models of holiness to imitate in my life, all of them are uniquely them. What holiness will and must look like in my life will be different – even if at times there are some overlaps with others. Holiness does not destroy the uniqueness of our personalities, but rather, enhances it. There isn’t one cookie-cutter format for holiness.

Looking back on my experience in the MDiv, I have discovered that I have changed a great deal. Spiritualities and theologies which used to be second nature to me can at times now feel alien. I feel a bit estranged from myself – or at least my past self- and at times this is unsettling. And yet, I find in other ways that my heart has been blown open in ways I never could have imagined, and in this I feel a great peace. I feel that my spirituality has become less about imitating a type of spirituality I once idolized, and more about being a more loving, compassionate, and forgiving version of myself. In this sense, I feel like I’ve begun to develop a spirituality which is more natural, more human, more truly myself.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert, (Eat, Pray, Love), for all the twists and turns of her own spiritual journey, arrives at the insightful conclusion that “God isn’t interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality…” which is certainly not the case.

More to come…

Reflections on Waiting

As I find myself vacillating between excitement and anxiety about my still as yet uncertain future, I thought I'd share this video of a poem from an author whose work has greatly helped me and informed my approach to life.

No-Vacation Nation: Why Americans Work Like Robots - Planet Green

This is a very interesting article which I thought I would share, since I've been feeling a little bit guilty about the absurd amount of downtime I suddenly find myself with now that I've graduated from ND:

No-Vacation Nation: Why Americans Work Like Robots - Planet Green

It makes me think about our culture and how we are afraid of downtime, of leisure, of relaxation, and mere enjoyment of one another's company. Matthew Kelly wrote that intimacy doesn't thrive in busy-ness, but rather, in carefree timelessness spent in each other's presence, with no agenda or to-do list.

I'd like to live more like some of the European countries and less like the Rat Race of America.

Thoughts?

Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled...

So after 15 job applications and 1 rejection letter, I'm beginning to feel the post-graduation anxiety levels rise.

Right now I have no where to live (I mean, I'm not homeless, but I might be (couch surfing?) in a few days if I don't figure things out soon) as of this coming Tuesday.

I also do not have a job.

I've been working slowly but surely over the past few weeks to figure out both of these, and so far, it seems like things aren't coming through the way I had hoped.

I know I have to just be patient, but patience is not a virtue of  mine.

The reading for both our Graduation Mass (Friday Night) and this Sunday were from John 14:

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be."

I hear Jesus say: "Have faith in me. I am going to prepare a place for you, and I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you may also be... Rachel, I am preparing just the right place for you to serve in. I am removing the obstacles from your path, and I will lead you along the right path. Follow me, for I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life..."

God has a plan for my life. He's working out the details of my future. Right now I can't see where the future is going to take me, but God knows.

Blogging Hiatus Suspended!

So I thought I had posted this yesterday, but I apparently went to edit the post and accidentally deleted it! So when I checked my blog, the post wasn't there....

Anyway, I'm glad to be back! Now that I'm finished with my MDiv, I will have (hopefully!) more time to blog.

That being said, being finished with school means that I need to start attending to the requirements of "Real Life" in the "REAL WORLD." Part of that includes figuring out what I'm doing with my life for the next few years. Other than moving to Chicago and looking for work, my plans aren't very clear right now.

That being said, I'm happy to report that I managed to save 85% of my savings goal for this year! While not the full amount, I must say that I am delighted with my progress, and I believe this accomplishment is worth celebrating! I am grateful because this means that I will have a significant chunk of change to live on in the event that I don't secure employment in the immediate future.

Lately I've been doing some research into saving money, living cheaply. Given that I'm going to be living on a ministry salary for potentially the rest of my life, I figure now is as good a time as ever to start learning more ways to be thrifty.

I recently stumbled across a new TV show on TLC called "Extreme Couponing," and I have to say, I'm hooked. If you haven't seen this show yet, you NEED TO! It's flipping amazing! Even if I don't take it to the extremes that these folks do- I'm determined to learn how to use coupons to my advantage to save money.

I've found some awesome resources which I'll post later about how to do this in real life... Stay Tuned!

I Am There

Here's a beautiful poem to take to prayer:

I Am There

Do you need Me?  I am there.

You cannot see Me, yet I am the light you see by.

You cannot hear Me, yet I speak through your voice.

You cannot feel Me, yet I am the power at work in your hands.

I am at work, though you do not understand My ways.

I am at work, though you do not understand My works.

I am not strange visions. 

I am not incomprehensible mysteries.

Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, can you know Me as I AM,

and then perhaps but as a feeling and a faith.

Yet I am here. Yet I hear. Yet I answer.

When you need Me, I am there.

Even if you deny Me, I am there.

Even when you feel most alone, I am there.

Even in your fears, I am there.

Even in your pain, I am there.

I am there when you pray and when you do not pray.

I am in you, and you are in Me.

I am the law on which the movement of the stars and the growth of living cells are

founded.

I am the love that is the law’s fulfilling.

I am assurance. I am peace. I am openness.

I am the law you can live by.

I am the love you can cling to.

I am your assurance.

I am your peace.

I am one with you.

Beloved, I am there.

                                                                                    By James Dillet Freeman

(left on plaque on the moon by Apollo XV astronaut James B. Irwin)

 

Rachel's Perfect Exercise

I hate exercise for the sake of exercise. Those who know me well know that I've made a promise to myself not to force myself not to exercise just because it's good for you. If it's not fun, I'm not doing it.

It's not because I don't like to sweat, or don't like hard work. For example, I LOVE shoveling snow (even though my current aerobic ability is nil and therefore I can't do it for more than 30 min at a time), I love iceskating, I love sledding down - and then running back up - hills.

I like swimming. I like soccer, baseball, softball, kickball, dodgeball, bowling (does that count as exercise)? heck, even walking to class.

Anyway, I have found the perfect exercise for me:

The only bad part about this - is that now I need to buy myself one of these: 

Price: 199.99 on Amazon, plus the games. 

Graduation present to myself, perhaps? =)

Self knowledge

So I'm sorry that I have been terrible at blogging lately. I'll try to improve in the coming weeks and months. 

Lately I've been doing a lot of reflection and have been gleaning a great deal of self-knowledge from all of this. I've come to realize that I'm an anxious person. This is particularly true in relationships. Lately I've been struggling with terrible anxiety-- in the busy-ness of this time in the semester, I have not gotten to talk to my significant other hardly at all. While I know he's busy planning retreats, and organizing major events for all the local Catholic schools for the upcoming Catholic Schools week, and while he's working on a huge parish renewal effort, his lack of calling me, texting me, etc. is driving me insane.

I know that he loves me. I know that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with circumstances that will be over in a few weeks. That being said, it's hard to fight the demons of anxiety, loneliness, fear, hurt, and irritability that sometimes threaten to overwhelm me. It's hard to consistently resist the urge to call and leave one more voicemail, or text him one last time to see if I'll get a response. I don't want to push him away by being too needy, but sometimes I just need to hear his voice. Internally I can easily become resentful  - thinking to myself, "why doesn't he just take five seconds to shoot me back one quick response to show me he cares and reassure me that this lapse is temporary?" These kinds of thoughts only add fuel to the fire of anxiety that threatens to engulf my inner world.

It's times like these I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that "this too shall pass." I have to remind myself that although this man is not always the best at returning phone calls - that this doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I have to remind myself that these kinds of trials are opportunities for the purification of my love; it teaches me to steel my will and strengthen my resolve to persevere even through difficulties. 

It reminds me in many ways of the anxiety I feel when I sense that God is absent in my prayer life. Like the  Bride in the Song of Songs searching desperately for the One whom her heart loved all over the city, I can at times find myself frantically seeking after a tiny shred of consolation and reassurance from God that He is not absent. The mystics remind us that God never leaves us orphans but at times He withdraws our awareness of His presence in order to test and strengthen us. Julian of Norwich reminds us to trust and not to fear, saying, "all will be well." St. Teresa of Avila exhorts us: 

Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things pass away:

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.

He who has God

finds he lacks nothing;

God alone suffices.

So while I pass through this 'dark night' of sorts, I will remind myself that "All things pass away" - and also, despite its seeming absence, I will remind myself of his - and God's - love for me.

In closing, I'll share the following song which I've shared before - which I absolutely love. The part that especially speaks to me now- is this:

"I whisper, ask in your ears: 

who is it that calls to you tonight - listen

who sings loudly to you - to your window

who would give up his soul so you'd be happy

who will put his hand and build you your home

who will be like dust living at your feet

who will love you most of all your lovers

who will save you from all evil spirits

from the deep depths.

THE IDAN RAICHEL PROJECT - MI'MA'AMAKIM (OUT OF THE DEPTHS)

Lyrics Mime'amakim kar'ati elaich boi elai beshuvech yach'zor shuv ha'or be'einai lo gamur, lo ozev t'aamaga beyadaich sheyavo veya'ir lemish'ma kol tz'chokech. Mime'amakim kar'ati elaich boi elai mul yare'ach me'ir et darkech shuv elai nifrasu venamsu mul maga shel yadaich be'oznaich lochesh sho'el: Mi zeh kore lach halailah - hakshivi mi shar bakol elaich - el chalonech mi sam nafsho shetehi me'usheret mi yasim yad veyivneh et beitech. Mi yiten chayav, yasimam mitachtaich mi ka'afar leraglaich yichyeh mi yohavech od mikol ohavaich mi mikol ru'ach ra'ah yatzilech mime'amakim. Mime'amakim kar'ati elaich boi elai mul yare'ach me'ir et darkech shuv elai nifrasu venam'su mul maga shel yadaich be'oznaich lochesh sho'el: Mi zeh kore lach halailah ...

Translation From deep depths I called to you to come to me with your return the light in my eyes will come back it's not finished, I am not leaving the touch of your hands that it may come and light up/wake upon hearing the sound of your laugh. From deep depths I called to you to come to me the moonlight I will again light your way to me they're spread out and melted again the touch of your hands I whisper, ask in your ears: Who is it that calls to you tonight - listen who sings loudly to you - to your window who put his soul so you'd be happy who will put his hand and build you your home who will give his life, put it underneath you who will be like dust living at your feet who will love you of all your lovers who will save you from all evil spirits from the deep depths. From deep depths I called to you to come to me the moonlight I will again light your way to me they're spread out and melted again the touch of your hands I whisper, ask in your ears: Who is it that calls to you tonight

TED- Ideas worth sharing

Watch this video.

The Power of Vulnerability -

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I firmly resolve... with the help of Your Grace ...

So it's that time of year again! Happy New Year!

But first, a look back at last year and how I did:

2010 Resolutions:

* Continue to eat healthy (mostly vegetarian w/ some cheating once in a while!)
* Daily Mass 3x a week; 30 min. adoration 1x week.
* Go to two social events per week outside regular MDiv socializing.
* Improve my relationships with my parents and close friends by improving communication and being more open and vulnerable about what's on my mind / heart.
* Spend at least 1 hour per day in the library and less time playing Spider Solitaire on my Laptop - in other words, keep my 3.9 GPA.
* Do some fun physical activity 2x per week!
* Go on AT LEAST ONE DATE next year! (an improvement over 2009).
* Continue to grow in compassion for others.
* BOUNDARIES BOOTCAMP RESOLUTIONS!

How I did:

* I did well with eating well this year. I've continued to maintain a healthy weight level - which is actually lower than what I weighed even in high school! =)
* I made it to daily Mass 1x a week. Not that great.
* Did not go to two regular social events outside of regular MDiv socializing, but definitely made more of an effort to keep in touch with people and to setup coffee dates. I also went to a few events on my own!
* I definitely have worked on my relationship with my parents and have really gained some good insight about them this past year.
* I did not spend any time in the library. I am still addicted to computer games - PACMAN has taken over my life! My GPA remains very good.
* I have yet to be successful in incorporating physical activity into my life.... need to work on this!
* I went on lots of dates in 2010 - =) O Happiness!
* I feel like I've made leaps and bounds as far as compassion for others and myself goes - and I'm continuing to strengthen my boundaries!

2011 New Year's Resolutions:

* Continue to eat healthy
* Do some fun physical activity 2x per week in order to get into better physical shape to prepare myself for life after graduation.
* Improve my prayer life (set aside time for daily prayer, and try to get to daily Mass 2x a week!) - this also includes (more) regular reception of the Sacrament of Reconciliation...
* Learn to cook Middle Eastern Food
* Continue to work on learning Arabic.
* To survive my final semester of Graduate School without going insane or having a nervous breakdown!
* To work on growing in virtue and give up a particular habitual sin I'm struggling with.
* Put what is most important first: God, relationships, responsibilities, etc. and not stress about unnecessary things.
* To not be a bridezilla.
* To be true to myself.
* To continually challenge myself to greater openness with others.
* To squash criticism, pessimism, dissention, suspicion, etc. in my life and foster acceptance, patience, trust, and humility instead.