RANT

The carefree days of summer are OVER.
I hate my life... for the next two weeks. Make the insanity stop!!!

I resent being busy from the moment I wake up until the moment my bed hits the pillow at 1am. I resent having to ignore phone calls just because I honestly do not have the time to answer them. I resent having to be the bad news bear and tell everyone NO. I hate not having a spare minute to call the people I care about most. I hate having to juggle responsibilities coming at me from numerous different communities all at once (hall staff, my field placement site, the MDiv program, my family....). The only place I want to be right now is in the arms of the one I love, and it makes me so mad that I won't be able to be there anytime in the next two weeks. I hate the fact that when I get stressed out like this I turn into the biggest jerk ever and have the shortest fuse imaginable. I'm trying to be charitable, but I feel like I want to bite someone's head off.

It's times like these I realize the need for self-care. All that I need is some quiet time, some time for me. But the bad thing is, I won't get that for another week or so. And that also makes me really mad!

I did not anticipate that this week would be so terribly insane.

Prayer for the week: Please God, give me patience and fortitude, and QUICK!

Inshallah...

Please say a quick prayer that this professor at Notre Dame will let me sit in on her Arabic I class this fall. Inshallah, (God willing), she'll allow me to, even though I'm not an undergrad and the school does not normally let grad students take undergraduate courses. All I really want to do is sit in the back of the class and absorb what I can. Basically, I just want to audit the course...

Good news: the class schedule online says that there are several seats open in the class -
Bad news: the class is at 8:00am in the morning... 8 am class = lots of Qahwa.

A Year of Transitions

So this week I'm in the process of moving from Siegfried (normally a men's hall, but during the summer, it doubles as grad-student housing) back into Cavanaugh for the upcoming school year. I'm in a new apartment on the 4th floor - and wicked excited about that because this apartment has a kitchen! I am so excited to be able to cook, to have people over, etc.  This means that I'll be purchasing cooking equipment (the basics)- which ultimately remind me that in just over a year I'll have to cook for myself every day. It's a little reminder of the life that awaits me after graduation.

I feel like this year will be quite a year of transitions for me. First of all, we have a brand new rector - I'm the only staff person who is returning (each year we have a whole new RA staff, and usually, one new AR (ARs usually stay for 2 years; I'm the returner this year, so we have a new AR - replacing my co-worker who graduated).Also, I'll be working in the dorm AND student teaching. I'll also be finishing up my final year of the MDiv and then graduating, then venturing out into the "Real World" again. I'll also be discerning and making big decisions about relationships.


Needless to say, what my life looks like now is probably not what it's going to look like 12 months from now. I'm definitely "in-between" - "twixt-and-twain" ; I'm no longer a carefree student with the security of many more years of studenthood ahead of me, but I'm not yet out in the world with a life all my own.

It's an interesting place to be - but one that I'm eager to leave behind. Part of me wants to stay where I am, to "build a tent" and just remain; the other half is pulling me forward, wanting to get on with the life ahead of me.

The trick and challenge of the next year will be learning to be patient with the state I find myself in today, being present to the reality and people of today, being content with God's grace and presence in my life today instead of His promises for the future.


Wish me luck! (Go Irish!)

Loaves and Fishes

 So a beautiful reflection that my professor has also been reiterating in class is that the Father loves us with the same love with which He loves the Son. God loves US as much as He loves Jesus! God is One, and God is Love, therefore, God's Love is One. He cannot love differently, only perfectly. By Baptism (and thus, adoption as Sons and Daughters of God in the Son, by the power of the Holy Spirit), we have become by grace what Christ is by nature. He loves us as He loves Christ.

Would that we would meditate on this profound reality daily!

Reading through the Gospels, one sees how loving the Father is toward Jesus - and toward us. Jesus' whole ministry is marked by this profound awareness on His part of the Love His Father has for Him. It begins at Jesus' Baptism in the Jordan River, when a voice from heaven says, "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" and continues from there.

It dawned on me then, how loving our God is. If God loves us that much, (and He does), should we not trust Him?

Thinking in these terms, it has made me re-read a lot of other passages in a new way: "What Father, when his son asks for a fish, would hand him a snake? Or when he asks for a loaf, would hand him a stone. If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so your heavenly Father..."


Let us pray boldly, asking God with confidence for the grace(s) we need in our lives, for Jesus tells us that we ought to pray to the Father in his name, asking for whatever we need, and that we need not be afraid because  "The Father himself loves" us. (John 16:26-27).