This Weekend:
Friday:
12 Noon - Iceskating with Margaret
1pm - 1am - LIBRARY.
Paper #1:
15 page paper for my Religion & Literature in the Light of Job class; writing on the topic of Job, Dante, & Primo Levi on what they have to say about speaking in times of crisis and how one ought to speak to someone suffering great loss.
Paper #2:
6-8 page paper on the RCIA process and what kind of parish the process is most successful in.
Paper #3:
2 Page Reflection Paper on Primo Levi's "If This Is A Man"
Paper #4:
Outline & Pre-bibliography for Ecclesiology paper on role of Papacy in united Catholic / Orthodox Church.
Saturday:
DATE DAY! =)
SUNDAY:
Pysanky making. Oh yeah! PLUS HOMEWORK.
Please pray I can get everything done on time!
(All these papers are due monday). Yes, I am procrastinating
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Prayer, Random Thoughts, and Theology of the Body
There's nothing like a new relationship to motivate you to pray.
I can honestly say that I haven't prayed this much or this intently for a long time. It's not that I don't normally have a prayer life, but for some reason, I find my prayer has become much clearer, much more focused, much more intense since I've started dating.
Perhaps it's because I'm so much out of my comfort zone, I'm finding myself clinging to God, asking Him to calm my nerves and help me just be me. Or maybe it's because I'm scared and I need to learn trust. Mostly, it's because I'm just incredibly thankful right now; I feel like the tenth leper who just got cured and I can't help but run back to Jesus and tell him "THANKS!!!". On the other hand, maybe it's because I really like this person and I really want it to work out between us. Or - maybe I know that this whole thing is in God's hands and unless I surrender my desires, my hopes, my dreams to Him, I'm going to be grasping, and miss the opportunity to receive him as a gift from God.
The last point is something that struck me while I was reading TOB Explained by Christopher West. "The [person] who lives "the gift" recognizes [the other] as a gift to be received both from the hands of the Creator and through the freedom of [the other's] own self-determination as a personal subject. But the [person] who denies the gift does not wait to receive [the other] as a gift. Instead, [one] extorts [the other's] gift; [one] grasps at [the other] instead of receiving [the other]" (TOB Explained, p. 219).
Another point that stuck out to me was that this person does not belong to me. Although in another sense, one can say of one's beloved that there is a sense of belonging; however, "a man and woman can only speak of belonging to each other only by way of analogy." (TOB Explained, p. 205). Ultimately, each of us belongs only to God.
I think what all this means is that the only way we can understand the saying "one belongs to another (the lover to his or her beloved, and vice versa)," that is, to a person other than God, means to say that one has received their beloved as gift from God, and similarly have themselves been given to the other by God. I think one can ultimately say that this is true (most really and profoundly true) only when the two are married to each other. Thus, even as my affection grows, I have to remind myself that the reality in which I currently live is not one of belonging but of hope; of hoping, and patient waiting to see if it is God's will that one day I will receive him as a gift from God.
There is a certain humility required here; a certain acknowledgment that I do not know the plans God has for me, or for him. I do not know what God has in store. I cannot anticipate it, but must patiently wait for the plan to be revealed in the fullness of time. What I've noticed is that this view can sound in many ways similar to a pessimistic realism. But it is quite different in quality, the essential difference between the two views being the theological virtue of hope. Hope is looking forward to the fulfillment of a promise - which is greater even than this present reality. It is the fulfillment of a promise that is beyond our vision (to use a line from Romero's work which I referenced in an earlier post). In that sense, there is a true peace and joy in knowing that whatever happens, God is in control. And the God who holds me and my future in His hand is a God who wills both my good and my happiness.
What a liberating, consoling thought!
I can honestly say that I haven't prayed this much or this intently for a long time. It's not that I don't normally have a prayer life, but for some reason, I find my prayer has become much clearer, much more focused, much more intense since I've started dating.
Perhaps it's because I'm so much out of my comfort zone, I'm finding myself clinging to God, asking Him to calm my nerves and help me just be me. Or maybe it's because I'm scared and I need to learn trust. Mostly, it's because I'm just incredibly thankful right now; I feel like the tenth leper who just got cured and I can't help but run back to Jesus and tell him "THANKS!!!". On the other hand, maybe it's because I really like this person and I really want it to work out between us. Or - maybe I know that this whole thing is in God's hands and unless I surrender my desires, my hopes, my dreams to Him, I'm going to be grasping, and miss the opportunity to receive him as a gift from God.
The last point is something that struck me while I was reading TOB Explained by Christopher West. "The [person] who lives "the gift" recognizes [the other] as a gift to be received both from the hands of the Creator and through the freedom of [the other's] own self-determination as a personal subject. But the [person] who denies the gift does not wait to receive [the other] as a gift. Instead, [one] extorts [the other's] gift; [one] grasps at [the other] instead of receiving [the other]" (TOB Explained, p. 219).
Another point that stuck out to me was that this person does not belong to me. Although in another sense, one can say of one's beloved that there is a sense of belonging; however, "a man and woman can only speak of belonging to each other only by way of analogy." (TOB Explained, p. 205). Ultimately, each of us belongs only to God.
I think what all this means is that the only way we can understand the saying "one belongs to another (the lover to his or her beloved, and vice versa)," that is, to a person other than God, means to say that one has received their beloved as gift from God, and similarly have themselves been given to the other by God. I think one can ultimately say that this is true (most really and profoundly true) only when the two are married to each other. Thus, even as my affection grows, I have to remind myself that the reality in which I currently live is not one of belonging but of hope; of hoping, and patient waiting to see if it is God's will that one day I will receive him as a gift from God.
There is a certain humility required here; a certain acknowledgment that I do not know the plans God has for me, or for him. I do not know what God has in store. I cannot anticipate it, but must patiently wait for the plan to be revealed in the fullness of time. What I've noticed is that this view can sound in many ways similar to a pessimistic realism. But it is quite different in quality, the essential difference between the two views being the theological virtue of hope. Hope is looking forward to the fulfillment of a promise - which is greater even than this present reality. It is the fulfillment of a promise that is beyond our vision (to use a line from Romero's work which I referenced in an earlier post). In that sense, there is a true peace and joy in knowing that whatever happens, God is in control. And the God who holds me and my future in His hand is a God who wills both my good and my happiness.
What a liberating, consoling thought!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Love Bug
I have the love bug. Really, it's like you're sick. Mentally and physically sick!I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I got in bed at 3:15 and was still not asleep by 4:30am... finally gave in and took some medicine to help me sleep!
I can count on one hand all the things I ate yesterday: a banana, 2 cups of coffee, 2 pieces of pizza and a bottle of gatorade. Today hasn't been much better. My appetite is kaput.
I'm anxious. And giddy.
I blush for no reason.
I'm trying to study for an exam, but instead, I've updated my blog twice in a single day.
Oh well, here's a song to celebrate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZGKlUw-dSk
("First Time" by Lifehouse)
Attitude of Gratitude
This week - well, really for the last few weeks I've been overwhelmed by an "attitude of gratitude."
God heard my prayers (and the prayers of so many of my friends and family members, interceding on my behalf) in the midst of my searching and waiting. God brought a wonderful person into my life, who I believe is a gift of God for me at this time. Whether he is a friend for life or something more is yet to be seen, but we're both waiting patiently on God and staying open to the possibilities. Time alone will tell.
In many ways, I didn't see this coming. Yet, there were a lot of prayers and a few signs last Advent that made me think that something was around the corner. But I didn't want to get my hopes up. I felt God nudging me, calling me to TRUST. I struggled with the thought: Lord, do I really believe? Do I really trust? Do I really believe that you are faithful in your promises?
Of course, I knew God is faithful. God is always faithful, even despite my own unfaithfulness. I believed God would come through; but I worried that my own lack of faith might be a hindrance to what God wanted to work in my life.
I've had my doubts along the way; I've freaked out, and been tempted to turn back. But every time I am with him, his constant and calming presence reassure me. His gentleness and kindness win me over every time. God knows that this is just the kind of person it would take to break me out of my hiding.
I thank God every day for His faithfulness, and for the love God is showering on me through my new relationship. It is wonderfully new and fresh and exciting - a very different way of experiencing the love of God than anything else I have experienced up to this point.
Please keep us in your prayers: God's will be done!
This was a black spiritual that I learned from the women of St. Margaret's House this past summer and which has become my song and prayer lately:
THANK YOU LORD
THANK YOU LORD
THANK YOU LORD
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU LORD
YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD
YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD
YOU"VE BEEN SO GOOD
AND I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU LORD
I PRAISE YOUR NAME...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlfwA1E-7js
God heard my prayers (and the prayers of so many of my friends and family members, interceding on my behalf) in the midst of my searching and waiting. God brought a wonderful person into my life, who I believe is a gift of God for me at this time. Whether he is a friend for life or something more is yet to be seen, but we're both waiting patiently on God and staying open to the possibilities. Time alone will tell.
In many ways, I didn't see this coming. Yet, there were a lot of prayers and a few signs last Advent that made me think that something was around the corner. But I didn't want to get my hopes up. I felt God nudging me, calling me to TRUST. I struggled with the thought: Lord, do I really believe? Do I really trust? Do I really believe that you are faithful in your promises?
Of course, I knew God is faithful. God is always faithful, even despite my own unfaithfulness. I believed God would come through; but I worried that my own lack of faith might be a hindrance to what God wanted to work in my life.
I've had my doubts along the way; I've freaked out, and been tempted to turn back. But every time I am with him, his constant and calming presence reassure me. His gentleness and kindness win me over every time. God knows that this is just the kind of person it would take to break me out of my hiding.
I thank God every day for His faithfulness, and for the love God is showering on me through my new relationship. It is wonderfully new and fresh and exciting - a very different way of experiencing the love of God than anything else I have experienced up to this point.
Please keep us in your prayers: God's will be done!
This was a black spiritual that I learned from the women of St. Margaret's House this past summer and which has become my song and prayer lately:
THANK YOU LORD
THANK YOU LORD
THANK YOU LORD
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU LORD
YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD
YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD
YOU"VE BEEN SO GOOD
AND I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU LORD
I PRAISE YOUR NAME...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlfwA1E-7js
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