So I promised I'd write a little more about my experience at Boundaries Bootcamp. One of the things that came up in the talks at the conference was that in order to have good boundaries, you have to have a good sense of who you are and what you value. John & Henry encouraged all the participants to take some time when we got home to think about our values, and then also, thinking about who we are and what we want to accomplish with our lives and then set boundaries that protect or enhance that vision.
This reminded me a lot of what Matthew Kelly wrote in his book "The Rhythm of Life" and so I went back and started looking at that.
Since the conference, I've been trying to do a little bit of soul-searching and have spent some time thinking about this more. It's hard work! To be quite honest, I know what I value, but I do not know what I want - what I want in life, what I want to accomplish, etc. I've been floating through life, doing lots of useful and good and wholesome things, but I don't think I could say that I have a clear sense of where I'm headed or what my life's meaning is.
Then I stumbled across a friend's facebook page which had some really helpful questions pulled from John Maxwell's book Put Your Dream to the Test: 10 Questions That Will Help You See It And Seize It. Here are the questions:
A dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energizes your mind, will, and emotions,
empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it. (xiii)
1. The Ownership Question: Is my dream really my dream?
2. The Clarity Question: Do I clearly see my dream?
3. The Reality Question: Am I depending on factors within my control to achieve my dream?
4. The Passion Question: Does my dream compel me to follow it?
5. The Pathway Question: Do I have a strategy to reach my dream?
6. The People Question: Have I included the people I need to realize my dream?
7. The Cost Question: Am I willing to pay the price for my dream?
8. The Tenacity Question: Am I moving closer to my dream?
9. The Fulfillment Question: Does working toward my dream bring satisfaction?
10. The Significance Question: Does my dream benefit others?
I guess I have some more thinking (dreaming) to do.
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Boundaries Bootcamp
So I just got back from a week-end long conference in Chicago sponsored by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, co-authors of the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.
It was an excellent weekend! I learned a lot and gained much confidence as a result.
Here are some tidbits, pearls of wisdom I gleaned from the weekend:
* 2 Corinthians 9:7 – “Give as you have purposed in your heart, not begrudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
* Keep a misery journal. Write what is getting you down in a journal and then try to figure out what the source of your misery is. Then, make a rule for yourself which will enable you to avoid whatever it is that is causing you misery. (For example, in my life, reading relationship books when I'm hormonal usually makes me depressed. Therefore, my rule is "know thyself. Don't read relationship books when you're hormonal!")
* I learned that I am hypervigilant. I'm constantly assessing where everyone is at emotionally and trying to keep the peace instead of doing what needs to be done or instead of speaking up for myself when I need to because it might cause a disturbance. I learned this weekend that I needed to own my space - realize that I take up space on this planet too, and that I shouldn't apologize for that fact!
* Also, I learned that I have to accept that other people are adults and are responsible for how they feel and how they react to others. I am not responsible for keeping others happy!
* There are three types of people on the planet. Wise people, fools, and evil people, roughly speaking. When you confront a wise person, they thank you for it, and learn and grow from it, changing their behavior accordingly. When you confront a fool, they usually respond negatively and make you feel guilty about it. They often won't change their behavior unless you set limits with them and have consequences for their actions. Finally, there are evil people, who are out to hurt other people. The only ways to confront these people effectively are with lawyers (law), guns (police), and money (money can buy you protection in some instances).
more to come!
It was an excellent weekend! I learned a lot and gained much confidence as a result.
Here are some tidbits, pearls of wisdom I gleaned from the weekend:
* 2 Corinthians 9:7 – “Give as you have purposed in your heart, not begrudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
* Keep a misery journal. Write what is getting you down in a journal and then try to figure out what the source of your misery is. Then, make a rule for yourself which will enable you to avoid whatever it is that is causing you misery. (For example, in my life, reading relationship books when I'm hormonal usually makes me depressed. Therefore, my rule is "know thyself. Don't read relationship books when you're hormonal!")
* I learned that I am hypervigilant. I'm constantly assessing where everyone is at emotionally and trying to keep the peace instead of doing what needs to be done or instead of speaking up for myself when I need to because it might cause a disturbance. I learned this weekend that I needed to own my space - realize that I take up space on this planet too, and that I shouldn't apologize for that fact!
* Also, I learned that I have to accept that other people are adults and are responsible for how they feel and how they react to others. I am not responsible for keeping others happy!
* There are three types of people on the planet. Wise people, fools, and evil people, roughly speaking. When you confront a wise person, they thank you for it, and learn and grow from it, changing their behavior accordingly. When you confront a fool, they usually respond negatively and make you feel guilty about it. They often won't change their behavior unless you set limits with them and have consequences for their actions. Finally, there are evil people, who are out to hurt other people. The only ways to confront these people effectively are with lawyers (law), guns (police), and money (money can buy you protection in some instances).
more to come!
http://www.cloudtownsend.com/videoserver/video.php?clip=CCNT2046
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