So I just got back from a week-end long conference in Chicago sponsored by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, co-authors of the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.
It was an excellent weekend! I learned a lot and gained much confidence as a result.
Here are some tidbits, pearls of wisdom I gleaned from the weekend:
* 2 Corinthians 9:7 – “Give as you have purposed in your heart, not begrudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
* Keep a misery journal. Write what is getting you down in a journal and then try to figure out what the source of your misery is. Then, make a rule for yourself which will enable you to avoid whatever it is that is causing you misery. (For example, in my life, reading relationship books when I'm hormonal usually makes me depressed. Therefore, my rule is "know thyself. Don't read relationship books when you're hormonal!")
* I learned that I am hypervigilant. I'm constantly assessing where everyone is at emotionally and trying to keep the peace instead of doing what needs to be done or instead of speaking up for myself when I need to because it might cause a disturbance. I learned this weekend that I needed to own my space - realize that I take up space on this planet too, and that I shouldn't apologize for that fact!
* Also, I learned that I have to accept that other people are adults and are responsible for how they feel and how they react to others. I am not responsible for keeping others happy!
* There are three types of people on the planet. Wise people, fools, and evil people, roughly speaking. When you confront a wise person, they thank you for it, and learn and grow from it, changing their behavior accordingly. When you confront a fool, they usually respond negatively and make you feel guilty about it. They often won't change their behavior unless you set limits with them and have consequences for their actions. Finally, there are evil people, who are out to hurt other people. The only ways to confront these people effectively are with lawyers (law), guns (police), and money (money can buy you protection in some instances).
more to come!
It was an excellent weekend! I learned a lot and gained much confidence as a result.
Here are some tidbits, pearls of wisdom I gleaned from the weekend:
* 2 Corinthians 9:7 – “Give as you have purposed in your heart, not begrudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
* Keep a misery journal. Write what is getting you down in a journal and then try to figure out what the source of your misery is. Then, make a rule for yourself which will enable you to avoid whatever it is that is causing you misery. (For example, in my life, reading relationship books when I'm hormonal usually makes me depressed. Therefore, my rule is "know thyself. Don't read relationship books when you're hormonal!")
* I learned that I am hypervigilant. I'm constantly assessing where everyone is at emotionally and trying to keep the peace instead of doing what needs to be done or instead of speaking up for myself when I need to because it might cause a disturbance. I learned this weekend that I needed to own my space - realize that I take up space on this planet too, and that I shouldn't apologize for that fact!
* Also, I learned that I have to accept that other people are adults and are responsible for how they feel and how they react to others. I am not responsible for keeping others happy!
* There are three types of people on the planet. Wise people, fools, and evil people, roughly speaking. When you confront a wise person, they thank you for it, and learn and grow from it, changing their behavior accordingly. When you confront a fool, they usually respond negatively and make you feel guilty about it. They often won't change their behavior unless you set limits with them and have consequences for their actions. Finally, there are evil people, who are out to hurt other people. The only ways to confront these people effectively are with lawyers (law), guns (police), and money (money can buy you protection in some instances).
more to come!
http://www.cloudtownsend.com/videoserver/video.php?clip=CCNT2046
